I should have written a book earlier in my life

When I thought I had the answers.

To anything.. life, finances, parenting...

Especially a book on parenting. Boy did I have all the answers when I wasn't a parent. I even thought I had a clue when the twins were young...

But NOW.. ah, my friends, NOW I don't have the answers. And I have noticed some popular parenting advice books are written by people with 2 kids or less, well spaced out (*cough* DobsonSpockDr Phil*cough*). The people with more than 2 kids are too busy trying to figure out where they went wrong to advise others on how to do it. (ok, yes, a sweeping generalization that I'm sure anyone reading my blog is the exception to this generalization)

Today, much like the last time I tried... I went to the comissary and failed miserably. It's a necessary evil. We need to eat and I plan my life to avoid being any where near there the 3 days after payday (which is Wednesday this week) And the kids are sick and I used the last 3 doses of tylenol and pediacare last night so it was either there or walmart and well.. the commisary prices are better and it's closer.

Back when I had 2 kids, I could put 2 in a cart (especially those cool ones with car steering wheels, etc...) and shop with few major issues. They were clean, fed, napped and happy.

Add 2 more to the mix and it takes me 2 hours to leave the house so.. while they were all clean, fed and napped when I start the leaving process, by the time we get there they're not.

Today. At 9, I say to the kids "we need to go to the store before lunch, please finish breakfast (to the one that slept in) and get dressed. At 9:15, 9:30,9:35,10:00; 10:14; 10:33; 10:55; 11:04 this is repeated wtih handing them clothes, shoes, changing diapers, washing hands and faces, sweeping what seems to be enough food crumbs to feed a large dog...

Find the hairbrush, get the girls' hair brushed and suddenly, their shoes (which I had handed them 5 mintues ago) have disappeared. The baby's lost a shoe I will often find floating in the toilet, and is filthy after climbing onto the counter and helping himself to muffins with chocolate chips in it.. and his diaper is wet.

So.. we leave the house finally, looking worse for the wear.

I have a list with 15 things I need, 3 of which are tylenol, vapor rub, and tissues. Plus soup, juice, milk, bananas and cereal.

I got as far as the tylenol isle when the screaming/fighting fit begins between the 2 carriage occupants. There are 2 steering wheels, but JM touches the one in front of Kayla which sends her into a screaching fit while Joey/Sonia whine that they want a turn in the cart, nevermind that 5 year olds are too old to be in there....

Ah.. I toss the wrong boxes into the cart and race down the isle.. get to the tissues isle and it's crowded. The screaching fits between the 2 littles have stopped, but the 2 olders insist on getting in the way of everyone by holding onto the cart at full-arm's reach away on each side of the cart- leading to angry shoppers telling us we're in the way and me telling them to move behind the cart (they stand in the front of it, get their feet run into because they stop short/I don't see them and start accusing me LOUDLY of hurting them and crying..) great.

So.. round the bend... and toss a bag of chips into the cart (not on the list, but... well.. if I was in the chocolate isle, I would have grabbed that)

And the screaching fits begin again.. JM wants to be held and push the cart, it's too big for him and he has a fit... While I'm trying to get him to stop screaming, Sonia scales the cart to get in and hurts herself, thus also crying and Kayla's crying because she doens't want to sit next to Sonia.. Joey meanwhile is standing in the middle of the isle blocking traffic and chewing on his shirt.

This is the point when the young moms with their sleeping 6 month old in perfectly matched and clean outfits in a car seat perched perfectly on the cart, give me the look- you know the one- the one that says "oh, that mother is doing something wrong- that would never happen to me"

yeah.. we'll see... my money's on you wishing you could remember the secret to perfect kids when you have a few more..

I also bet you'll have a problem with remembering their names when you go to yell at them. oh, right- you won't yell at them..

and I won't be peeing my pants from laughing so hard... (another gift of motherhood)

But I'll have a chance to get it right again before wednesday. We left without getting the milk or sandwich fixings we needed- we prematurely ended the mission before we reached the last 4 isles of the store.

Better luck next time. And next time, I'm reaching for the chocolate instead of the chips- definately my food of choice in these situations.. or any situation

A book about eating chocolate!! THAT one I still could write.