Seriously nothing to say

Stunning, I know.
But I really haven't had a whole lot to say these days.

Or rather, I haven't had a whole lot to say online. I've had plenty to say in person.
To the kids about not acting like wild monkeys
To the school and everyone around it about canceling stuff and not telling anyone it was canceled
To my new friend who is also a parent in the school about my frustrations with the school
To the dog about how I want to send her to a new home
To the computer that it is wrecking my night by crashing every 5 minutes because I updated something that isn't compatible with everything else.
To the kids about cleaning up after themselves
To the empty space over my kids' head about listening
To the mirror that I can.not.possibly.  look like that.

 We are up to our necks in paperwork on the house. You would not believe what you need to produce to get a loan these days. I remember getting a mortgage on our good name and a signature when we bought the Christiansburg house. We had zero income, no jobs,  and were borrowing the money for the down payment from family AND we still had a mortgage on a Mansfield house to pay.
Nope, no problem there- sign here and we'll cut a check for the closing.

NOW.. oh help you should you need a mortgage.
You need...
3 months of bank statements with itemized statements of where all the money in the accounts came from
2 years of W2's
2 years of tax returns and they're also going to get a copy from the IRS itself incase you didn't really pay your taxes
1 years worth of canceled rent checks
Name, Rank, phone and address of Larry's commanding officer
A letter from someone with authority stating that Larry will indeed be employed by the Navy for the next 3 years (seriously- how could a civilian produce such a letter??!!)
Form DD214 from 1996
1 letter from your (non-existent) CPA that the bank account that has your name and the business name actually belongs to you and that you have access to the money in it. seriously.
A letter explaining EVERYTHING on your credit report- including all the credit checks that happened with everytime we had to 'prequalify' with a bank to bid on a bank owned house (which would have been alot of times)
And a letter explaining that there are 2 student loans for every semester we took out loans- one subsided, one non-subsidized- so, yes- not a mistake that there is two loans for the same dates in similar amounts. And that yes, We know it looks like each loan is a "maxed out credit card" on our credit report. It's not. We know maxing out credit cards is a bad idea.
A letter explaining loan deferment
A letter from the loan company stating the above loan deferment applies to our loans

And THEN.. the grandfather of the paperwork:
107 pages of signed acknowledgment
That the property is in a high wild fire zone, but not a very high fire hazard zone,
In an earth quake (excuse me- seismic activity) zone, but is not in a flood zone, and not on an earthquake fault.
That they don't know if said house is in a landslide or land liquefaction zone
That you acknowledge that floods are bad should you have a flood and you should have gotten flood insurance
That you acknowledge you have 17 days to determine if you can even get homeowners insurance on said house.
That they don't know if there has been a violent crime or death in the house,
That you should have Radon testing,
That you realize that asbestos is bad
So is lead paint and toxic mold
That the area is affected by an airport
That you house may be subject to special taxes at will of the government due to some act passed in 1915.
That said house may also be subject to a supplemental property tax bill
That you have to have energy efficient heating/air installed,
That you need something special to do with the water heater,
That the property is not located within a California Tiger Salimander habitat sensitive area (!!!!!!!!!).
That if the property has been used for a methamphetemine lab they will take the property from you,
That you can check megan's law website,
That the property is is 'as is',

That we have a right to a home inspection- anything we bid on can be used against us. We have a right to have a the home inspection report and real estate agent present at closing and that if we cannot afford a home inspector (you shouldn't be buying a house) your fairy godmother will step in and provide one for you. Do you have any questions?

Why.. yes...
yes. I have a big question.
Which is...
What have I gotten myself into???

Larry of course is out for "Steel night" or whatever they call it- playing war in the desert. Ooh Rah.

But before he left- we had to get a stove installed in the house for it to pass inspection. Getting a VA loan says you need to have a stove and sink for it to be acceptable to own/live in.  Never mind that MRE's are the fare of choice for Larry right now.. we needed to get and install a stove.

Cheap. Especially since it isn't really our house yet.

So.. to Craigslist we go..
And find one. There were several free ones. Of course the people listing those didn't return email or phone calls.
Some California hillbilly (yes, they appear to exist) had one he was selling from a home re-model/flip he was attempting.

We get there- The stove is outside and appeared to have stuff living in it.
Pick it up and get oh so gross grease on your hands.

Brought it and plugged it in.. and I'll be. It worked.
Cross that off the list.

But in the process of browsing the land of Craigslist, we came across ads- one in particular- 'high end kitchen for sale' you needed to come dis-assemble it.

uh..huh??

So.. in case you were wondering what happened to the kitchens in 2/3 of the houses we looked at and bid on.. it appears this is what happens-

People being foreclosed on get mad and part out their houses.Like you would part out a stolen car.  Put up ads and people come and pay and take it away.  For real.

So this one lady had her $55K kitchen for sale for $5K.. uh.. hmm.. what is to loose? Well.. besides integrity- because I have funny feelings about enabling someone to do that.. but nonetheless..

Larry contacted her and made arrangements to see it and tentatively take the cabinets.
I went with him to a. help and b. make sure what he was getting was something I'd want to live with.

And the house was trashed. She's parted out the baseboards, light fixtures, had done something to the garage door that it wasn't closed and at a odd angle and all the windows in it were broken..

But the kitchen was hideous. Ornate, ostentatious, and.. had few usable cabinets for our needs.
I mean really-- are we going to display our chipped and faded 10-20 year old corning ware dishes in those fancy dish displayer things? And glass doors? oh, heck no. have you seen my organization abilities??? I'm happy if stuff doesn't fall out and you want to display it???

And unbelievably this lady was  moving around the corner to a different house in the same gated community with ocean views and a guard who was not at all interested in letting us get into the development. Goes back to that saying about dressing up a pig..

So..
should we still get this house we're trying to get after faxing no fewer than 250 pages of stuff to real estate agents and the bank/mortgage ladies.. we still need a kitchen.
And someone who wants a cheap stove to come take the old one away